Murphy’s World

Arachnophobia causes an uproar

It’s 4 a.m. I made my delivery at one of the giant discount department stores, dropped my trailer in the door, disconnected, parked in the bobtail lot and took my paperwork inside. Once I checked in, I went back to my truck and crawled back in bed.
     Around 5:50 a.m., they called me to let me know they were finished. I had changed into my shorts to go back to bed, so I had to put my pants back on. I got my pants halfway on when this large, black hairy-scary spider shot out of them and up my left leg.
     The rational part of my brain was saying, “Come on, get real; it's just a little ol’ spider.” However, the “OMG-it’s-a-huge-hairy-black-spider” part of my brain that holds an enormous amount of veto power over every mental faculty I possess, was freaking out and screaming like a schoolgirl.
     My pants flew off and I was in my undies, flailing wildly around the cab of my truck, shrieking like a banshee and beating the cr*p out of myself – in full view of about eight male truck drivers who were all wondering if they should try to offer assistance or run like h*ll.
     It was all I could do, once I regained some semblance of sanity, to walk inside, face those drivers and collect my paperwork. Needless to say, I got out of there as fast as I could.
     So now I’m in the process of nuking the heck out of my truck with Raid bug bombs. I promise there will be nothing left alive in that truck when I am finished. You do not cause me to dance half-naked in front of strange men, embarrassing the life out of myself, and live to tell the tale.
     Road Toad
     Texas

Dear Road Toad,
Wow, it sounds like you put on quite a burlesque show for the boys in the yard…and at six o’clock in the morning, no less. And here I always thought a cup of Joe was the world’s best eye-opener.
     If it makes you feel any better, you have plenty of company. No, I’m not talking about flailing around half-naked in the truck yard at 6 a.m. before a group of curious onlookers. That’s a scene I doubt many of us will ever see, let alone star in. But I can tell you that, according to WebMD, around 50 percent of women and 10 percent of men have some form of arachnophobia, the irrational fear of spiders and other arachnids.
     Now that you’ve taken revenge on the eight-legged creature and every other manner of bug that dares to hitch a ride in your cab, let’s hope that tough, Texas trucker part of your brain gets you through everything else that awaits you in Murphy’s World.

     Regards,
      Murphy and Lucky Dog