Fun & Games

Accident reports
An accident insurance claim form asks for a brief statement about how the accident happened. The combination of the finger-pointing instinct and the small spaces provided on the forms can lead to some curiously phrased explanations:

“Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.”

“A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.”

“I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place where it had been struck several times before.”

“The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.”

“I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.”
“The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.”

Patient charts

“Discharge status: Alive but without permission.”

“Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.”

“She is numb from her toes down.”

“The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.”

“She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until 1989, when she got a divorce.”

“The patient lives at home with his mother, father and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.”

“Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.”

 

Did you know…

If you cut a “V” shape into your toenails, you can prevent them from becoming “in-grown” • Human thighbones are stronger than concrete! • It is possible to go blind from smoking too heavily • It takes only 17 muscles to smile, but 43 to frown • Motorists who talk on cell phones are more impaired than drunk drivers with blood-alcohol levels exceeding .08! • 25% of your bones are located in your feet • Deep breathing gives you health benefits similar to aerobics